Sunday, July 10, 2005
Where do you start when composing a tribute to Bob Mueller? Everyone who has ever known him knows how remarkable he really was. Bob had so many fundamental characteristics to admire it’s impossible to pick out one that by itself defined him. His integrity was unimpeachable. His concepts of honesty and the value of truth were so basic, they serve as models that the rest of us can use to guide our lives.
And his humor…well, his humor was legendary. I wonder if there is anyone here who has not been the object of one of his tricks? The list is so long, I don’t know where to start. Now that I’ve heard most of the stories, I’m beginning to get the impression that Bob was often the instigator, but many times he was able to talk other people into actually performing the deeds, while he himself sat back seemingly totally innocent and laughing like crazy! While he was very serious about the pivotal nature of the National Academy of Arbitrators, I wonder how many Academy meetings just barely missed being turned into chaos through the sometimes-elaborate schemes that Bob and his friends would cook up? His good-natured humor surrounded him everywhere he went and essentially enveloped everyone around him, including the multitudes of poor waitresses that he would kid mercilessly…like the rest of us, they’d all keep coming back for more!
And then there was his love of British humor! I don’t know how many of his friends had to experience this, but I can’t tell you how many hours of “Keeping Up Appearances” and “Bless Me, Father” his family was subjected to! And when you’re first married and your father-in-law thinks something is hilarious, generally you try pretty hard to conjure up as many laughs as you can…actually, this business of British comedy videos has continued through at least 28 years! I don’t think he ever really got the message, even after a number of us would virtually lose consciousness during the multiple episodes we’d have to watch! He would just continue to laugh and exclaim to us how funny it all was!
We all have special memories of Bob’s humor, only some of which are fit for this gathering… Every few weeks Nana would cut Jason’s hair and every time she did, Bapa would come in and offer to do it. Jason always politely declined, but Bapa never gave up asking.
He had a thing with Joan, his next-door neighbor, about who could harvest the first tomato of the season. Joan, I don’t know if you ever found out, but one year when his tomato was behind, he bought one from the store and tied it on!
When Paige became part of the family, it seemed that every time she saw Bapa, he’d be wearing a white T-shirt. Finally one day she asked Nana if he needed some shirts or if that’s all he ever wore around home. The next Sunday, Bapa came to dinner wearing his usual white T-shirt, but this time he had a tie around his neck. Paige was terribly embarrassed, but Bapa thought it was hilarious!
My own early memory of Bapa’s humor was when he and Nana visited us in California for the first time. Of course, I was a nervous wreck; I think it’s natural to want your father-in-law to think his daughter had made a good decision. In order for this to happen, you want to appear to be as competent as possible. Alas, I don’t think I ever really overcame the incident I’m about to describe. At the time, we were driving a Honda station wagon that was several years old. I had never been very good at remembering to change the oil in our car, but I wanted to be sure it got done before Nana and Bapa arrived. I had a big note on the refrigerator reminding me to do it, but somehow, it didn’t happen. So what should Bob say about 5 minutes after coming in the house? “Hi, nice to see you, maybe we should change the oil in your car?” So – as I remember, I think it was even before they unpacked- we go out into the garage and Bapa proceeds to instruct me in how to change the oil…like I’d never picked up a wrench in my life... First you get a pan so the oil doesn’t go all over, then you get a wrench, no that’s too small…get some rags, ok, now get under the car…OK, Bapa…now you find the oil pan…that’s it…see the little nut coming out of it? OK, Bapa…now you turn the nut –counter-clockwise - until it’s loose enough to do it by hand, but be careful, if you turn it too far, the oil will come gushing out and you’ll get it all over everything…OK, Bapa, how am I doing???….Well, I grit my teeth and do what I’m told…when it comes to the point where you quickly remove the nut and get your hand out of the way of the gushing oil, I remove the plug and much to my chagrin nothing comes out! Slowly, a few drops of oil start dripping out,drip …drip…drip. For those of you who are not so mechanically inclined…this lack of gushing can mean only one thing…that you haven’t put enough oil in the car for a long, long time… Bapa, who is carefully watching every step, matter-of-factly says, “Looks like you were running a little low on oil!” I can only imagine what he was thinking. I don’t remember exactly what I was thinking at the time, but I do remember a sense of incompetence that lasted quite a while. Add to this the fact that the only two times I have ever run out of gas were when Bapa was with me. One of these times we had to hike about two miles home with Bapa limping all the way on a bad ankle. I suffered hugely all the way home, but Bapa didn’t complain for a minute…however, with great mirth and enjoyment he has retold these stories numerous times over the twenty-seven years since they happened!
Bob did, in fact, have a long memory if you made slip-ups. For 40 years, he continued to tease Jeanne about breaking a knife while cutting a dessert she had made! At the same time, usually over Sunday dinner, he’d reassure everyone that the reason he had married Nana was indeed because she made such good fruit salad.
Besides being mechanically inclined…only Jeanne knows how many times he repaired that old 3-wheeled lawnmower that he was so proud of and that Jason and Robbie loved to ride on with him … besides this mechanical talent, he was also a master wood craftsman. Robbie, in particular, loved to help him in his workshop. In addition to untold pieces of furniture for his kids and grandkids, Bob also built a large number of children’s picnic tables of his own design and delivered them to the children of all sorts of friends and acquaintances. He loved to build things for the grandkids. He put a huge net in his backyard so the boys could play kickball. He also built a basketball court in his driveway because John and Sue’s driveway was too slanted. He sat through endless basketball games and swim meets to watch his grandsons, all the time wearing the appropriate school-colored sweater or shirt.
Here are a few more memories his family has of Bapa: His kids never thought there was anything he couldn’t fix. Michael would save all of his broken toys for Bapa’s next trip to see him in Florida. As soon as Bapa would come in the door, Michael would bring out every broken car and vehicle and place it at Bapa’s feet. Jason announced at a very early age that “Bapa fixes stuff,” and “Nana is a good cooker.”
As far as food goes, Bapa knew what he liked to eat but mostly when Nana told him what he liked. One time he suggested we go out for Chinese food. Nana said, “But you don’t like Chinese food.” He simply said, “I don’t?” When going out to eat, Bapa’s generosity was essentially bottomless. Just try to pay for the dinner bill! My personal experience is that I was 58 years old before I was finally allowed to pay a bill, and I think that occurred because Bapa happened to be looking the other way! His generosity was expressed in another way to Libby, his and Jeanne’s great friend and neighbor. At the time Libby was working a lot and coming home late. She didn’t like getting out of the car to open the garage door, especially in the dark, but there was no automatic opener, so she just did what she had to. One night as she came in the driveway, her garage door opened by itself. Astonished, she looked around to see what was happening and found Bapa across the street operating the new garage door opener he had installed for her while she was gone. This was the kind of thing he loved to do. I just found out yesterday that a number of years ago Ed, one of John’s assistant coaches, had admired a chest Bob had made, innocently remarking “ boy I could use one of those.” Two weeks later Bob presented him with an exact copy. This kind of story was repeated many times over.
Bob had another love, his unashamed fondness for loud Irish music, which many of us had frequent opportunities to share- sometimes whether we wanted to or not. When Jason was a teenager, he accompanied Bob on an arbitration trip. The trip was long, but not boring, as Bob played Irish pub songs the whole way there and the whole way back. When asked how he liked the trip, Jason said fine, but he wasn’t really sure about the music.
Bob was diligent about his responsibilities to the parties he would arbitrate for. He drove whenever he could to save the companies money, and when he had to fly, he always flew coach and wouldn’t consider going in first class. One month ago, when he was so tired he could barely get out of bed, he dragged himself to Iowa for a case just so Eric and his friend Mary could go with him and witness a case in person. Never once during the trip did he complain about his pain or exhaustion, except to say, “I think this may be the last long distance case.” Irish music was again played. Bob was so dedicated to his clients that the last sentence he spoke before he passed on was a question to Dr. Hei, his oncologist. He said, “ How long is this going to take, I need to get back to work!”
Well, I’ve talked about his integrity, his honesty, his ability, and his humor, but the one characteristic that most defined Bob was undoubtedly his selfless love of, and devotion to, his family and his friends. Bapa loved to laugh and he loved to hug. I learned early on in this family, you don’t shake hands and exchange pleasantries; you share hugs and kisses, no matter how old you are. Bapa loved to cuddle with the grandkids…most of the photos we have of the family have one or more of the kids in his lap, snuggled up against him. Nothing meant more to him than his family.
Nothing, that is, except the great love of his life, his girlfriend, wife, and lifelong companion, Jeanne. It amazes all of us who know them that a couple can actually be married as long as they were and never once be heard exchanging a harsh word! In fact, the love Jeanne and Bob shared was the stuff of an epic story, one that went on for almost 60 yrs! Through thick and thin, through hard times and good, they always had each other. A few years ago, I noticed a series of Post-It notes on their bulletin board. The first said “I love you:” the second, “I love you more” and the third, “Your husband loves you more!” The last of these was dated June 27, 2005, the day before Bob went into the hospital. It simply said the same as the first one: “I love you.” It turns out that for years he had been placing the same notes all over the house where Jeanne could find them. Once again, the way he loved Jeanne could serve as a shining example for all of us.
Jeanne and the rest of us know that despite his physical absence, he will continue to be with her and the rest of us for as long as we live. We know Bapa wouldn’t want any of us to mourn his passing either very long, or even very seriously. But this wonderful, exceptional man, this good-natured, loving husband, father, grandfather and friend, will always serve as a model of how full a life a person can truly live. Those of us who were lucky enough to know and love Bob (Bapa) Mueller, will have him in our memories, and in our hearts, forever.
Thank you.
